I just spent the last hour reading my old posts. I can’t believe its already been three years since I last wrote on this blog. I must say though reading through the blogs I had, it was like reading an old diary. it was bittersweet.. Reading it back now, I barely remember that girl. She seemed so positive, excited and ready to tackle the world… If only she knew.
Here I am three years later. Nothing is as simple as it seemed, i’m emotionally tired and scarred. I have no clue where I’m going in my life and the thought of getting out of bed gives me anxiety. The sad part is, I don’t know what to blame it on. I’ve just completely switched, and reading posts from my pasts just validates the amount of change that I have gone through.
It’s extremely frustrating to remember that pure happiness when you can no longer obtain it. Iv’e been trying to figure out how to get back into that state of mind, but i’m beginning to realize, like physical scars, I wont be able to heal as easy as I have.
This being said, I may seem sad, but I have been fighting myself and getting help. Everyday has become a battle, but I’m willing to fight it. I hope that I will motivate myself to write more in the future. I know that only one or two of you that will see it, but I hope that in the future you can find things that I write relatable, and you see things in my journey that relate to you.
Alot is going to change in my life in the next couple of months, and i wont really have a class tp purposely take pictures in any more so ive decided this summer to go on adventures and take pictures everytime i do and share it with you guys 🙂
To begin, I was having a mini meltdown as I usually do and decided to take a pcture of an area near my house that has a lake. between the rocks along the beach there were these weeds. But i saw them as flowers and took a really good shot of them!
Bet you thought I’d be talking about some theory and how the world is going to end… I’m not. Sorry to disappoint.!
When I say the world I mean my world.
I’ve come to a point in my life where I’ve finished high school, and every activity I was involved withing the school, my outside activities have ended for the season and I will not be returning. I feel like everything I’ve known or done since I was little is just changing. I’m 17, and I’m really starting to feel the teenager young adult transformation.
It scares me, and I’m not sure where to go from here but I’m more than ready to start new things.
I’m that girl with strict parents, not allowed to party or do much without asking permission. I study all the time, hang around with family, which is fine but I’m more than ready to start venturing with my own life.
Starting school in August an hour away from home is going to give me that freedom and I can’t wait, I’m so anxious to start and see where life takes me. I just don’t wanna venture too much that I lose what I have now.
“Nobody actually wants to grow up, we just want the freedom to use our youth”.
I guess this quote explains what I’m feeling. I’ve never seen my self as an adult but I see myself on my own. I want to know where I’m going what I m doing but I don’t want to be the full adult with responsibilities and such.
As I’ve mentioned in some of my blogs I’m a teenager. I’m a teenager in love with music and listens to it every moment of my waking days. I have a large variety of favourite artists although my top favourite will forever be passenger, also known as Mike Rosenberg. He’s an artist from the UK, and I fell in love with him last summer. Since then I haven’t been able to go a day without listening to at least a full album.
This being said, for my graduation present I got tickets to go see him on his 2014 North American tour! Obviously I’m too excited for words. When I found out I immediately started planning on how I could meet him.
I spoke to a couple people online, some friends and family and I have a complete gameplan for this.
First I’m making a book filled with all his lyrics to all the songs ever made, if I meet him ill get him to sign it. Then I’ve decided to write him a letter talking about me and how I found him and how’s he’s changed my Life… (Yes fan girling I know) and lastly my dad decided Hes going to photoshop a huge poster (not decided what’s going to be on it) but he will hopefully see it.
It’s a first come first served show so my dad and I are camping out to be the first ones there. Then after the show were going to try and wait by his tour bus to attempt to meet him.
This is all really exciting and I hope I get to meet him. If I do. Ill post a picture that I take with him. It’ll kind of ruin my identity of this blog but I think it’ll be the proudest moment of my life that I really think I have to share.
So as most of you know today is Mother’s Day. Usually my mothers day consists of my mom wanting everything done all at the same time and a lot of arguments. But this Mother’s Day was very different.
My grandmother is very ill and as time has gone she’s really gone down hill. They’ve given her maybe a couple weeks but we all know that our time with her is coming to an end.
Because of this we spent most of the day just sitting there with her. We couldn’t really talk to her since she is now unresponsive, although sitting with her and watching her smile as we sing or talk about old memories was pretty amazing.
I’ve never felt so connected with the family. It was such a special moment to have. We got to appreciate my grandmother before she left our world and it just turned out to be a really enjoyable day.
Afterwards we gardened and had a nice barbecue with te family without arguments and that was nice too.
So the moral of the story. Appreciate your mother, show that you love them, not only today but always. You never know one day you may not have them by your side anymore.